To start off today, I have to confess that I thoroughly enjoyed writing yesterday. In thinking about it, my expressions and words came right from my heart, as if I had written a letter to God. And perhaps that is what I did, and more right for me to do than what I might guess. I have no idea, you see, if anyone reads these blogs. I began to write them in the hope that someone someday would read them and find the Lord for themselves within my words. Perhaps, this then is a confession of sorts that I had hoped to be doing work for God through my writing.
My daughter, Peg, was a long time in coming to God, yet is as solid a person in Him as I know. She had a word or two for me yesterday, which was such a good thing. If you have been following my blog for a long time, you might remember that I had a serious need to be forgiving of myself. The childhood I grew up in was pretty normal, but for some naughtiness which is apparent through old stories of me as a child and truly nullified any goodness I might have found in myself. I was a bad person in my eyes. Or rather I thought my world thought I was bad, and no amount of words differently stated would pacify me.
Therefore, as I grew up, I kept trying to prove to myself and others that I was equipped to do whatever task came to my hand. Naturally, no person can do everything, but I guess I wanted to try --over and over--that I could do anything that came my way. Many times I was defeated in jobs, some not totally my fault, but I could not see them as anything but my own failures. Justified as my fault sometimes, and sometimes not. but, the image grew of my not cutting the mustard, and the proving that it was not so occurred over and over. And that's enough of that!
The thing I need to do is keep in good Fellowship with God, so that I do what He wants me to do. I am past the age of being really active, and I can see goodness in my past which I consider godliness, but I am not trying to burn a place for myself in history, in the church, or my community. The thing I most need to do, is to forgive myself for holding myself for "ransom." And in addition, keep spending time with God, by reading, writing, and praying. There's a whole world out there which needs prayer, and I doubt I can "fail" at that, unless I don't do it!
So, today was a rest day for me in writing about God's Laws and Moses.. The Law does not apply here, only the one that God respects the most--to have a loving relationship with Him, day after day after day, and to follow Him if I am so called.
Tomorrow? We'll see. But I will be back, God willing.
Jo INMN
No comments:
Post a Comment