May 27, 2005, I found a scripture that caught not only my eye, but caught my heart. From scripture, Romans 8:15, it says, "The resurrection life I received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. Its adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike, 'What's next, Papa?'"(THE MESSAGE)
(Keeping in mind I was already in my 70's then, I loved the common words used in that particular bible version as it brought me back to my own childhood when I was hungry for the Jesus that I knew so little of.) And this particular verse said to me, "Yes! This is exactly what I want to be when I finally grow up! Like right now! Someone who looks to God for every step I take in my life."
"Well, maybe it's crazy to want to grow up when I'm already past seventy, but it's never too late, is it? I want to be someone who looks to God for every step I may take in my life. But there are those awful moments when old feelings seem to be in charge. They have been in charge for so long, so I must work hard to develop a new habit that, I hope, will do away with the old one which always said, "You are not good enough! You need to be perfect for God to love you." No. That is not what God says. He knows I am not perfect, and He doesn't expect that. He wants me to know when I've done wrong and be sorry about it, telling Him about it, and then trying hard to listen to His Spirit so that it doesn't happen again.
"Lord, whatever feelings I may have, helpful or not, I pray that I can refrain from reacting to them without first saying, "What's next, Papa?"
I don't have much to add, but now when my last birthday celebrated found me in my 80's, I find that I am a slow learner, but I am not disappointed, for I have seen a change, although it is a slight change, it is in the proper direction! And I believe God loves my hopefulness!
Lord, I pray that I may yet learn to say, "What's next, Papa?" about my children's lives as well as my own. We are a long time learning, aren't we?
Loving all of you out there,
Jo INMN
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